The making of a "Ma'amSahib"

"Fork on the left hand and spoon on the right hand-place them apart to close your plate and crossed to open your plate". My husband went on and on with his 'etiquette lessons' during our visit to the Indian embassy at Pokhara, Nepal immediately after our marriage. Back home idlis and vadas were best eaten with bare hands. Hailing from a civilian background and someone not used to the service ways, the week long stay at the embassy was a great ordeal. I would go for boneless chicken all the time to avoid 'ting tong' noises on my plate. I would get up on seeing any senior officer enter the lounge inviting curious glances from everyone around. "Ladies can remain seated"-my embarassed husband would whisper.

Back at Gorakhpur ( where my husband was posted then), I was greeted by a bunch of officers from my husband's unit. Normally used to names like Iyers, Pillais, Nairs and Reddys, the introduction to the Aptes, Nenes, Pantris and Poplis sounded foreign to me. "Good Evening, Ma'am," 'Welcome Ma'am,' seemed to be the standard line. Wouldn't 'Hi' or 'Hello' be more appropriate from guys of my age? Was that 'Ma'am' a gentle reminder to shed off my college colours and act more 'Lady-like' to go well with the 'Officer-like' qualities I've heard my husband often mention....I wondered.

My greatest dilemma was how to address his fellow officers. "By name, how else?' clarified my husband. "You must be joking, I cannot be addressing your superiors by name, when you respectfully address them as 'Sir'." "But, that's how it is," came his pat reply. However, I must confess to a momentary sense of power and pleasure whenever I saw all the officers up on their feet when I entered a room. After all, who doesn't enjoy women empowerment?

"What's your colour Ma'am - Black or Orange?" enquired an officer during a party. Colour!!!! "Black" I muttered confusedly. He brought me a glass of coke - another subtle reminder to shed college habits of saying "Coke Please".

Once after a party, my husband admonished me saying, "You have to hold your drink." "I was holding it in my hands," I replied in all my innocence. 'You should not gulp down your drink in a jiffy," he clarified. 'I didn't, I had only 3 glasses in 3 hours, Normally I empty a full bottle of Coke in 3 minutes." My husband was at his wits end. A close friend joked, "You are not to sip your drink, Take it close to your lips every time and bring it back. That way, you can hold one glass for long."

So here I was growing richer in experience day by day.

Back home I advised my brother not to pile up rotis on his plate and to go for it one at a time and the importance of having a good 'turn-out' (fauji term for a neat and clean look).

I heard my father say, "Isn't she becoming too finicky?". Can I be blamed? I was metamorphosing into a 'Memsahib' or rather a 'Ma'amSahib'.
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